Lit & The Arts [fiction-fantasy] Waxy cheesecakes "Dracula"

Discussion in 'Literature & The Arts' started by Waxy cheesecake, Nov 3, 2004.

  1. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    [fiction-fantasy] Waxy cheesecakes \"Dracula\"

    I think thats how you set up the title. If not correct me.

    The man rushed through the cold, damp alleyways. As he ran, his stalker watched from the roof tops. Two cold, glaring eyes. The man rushed too a phone booth. "Hello, 911." He said anxiously. "You can't escape me, David." Answered the voice. Horrified, he dropped the phone and backed up into someone. "Hello, David." With a quick glancing blow too the back, the man was thrown into the booth and out the otherside. "Did you really think, after all we've been through, you could escape me?" Asked the stalker. "I would have thought that you, even you, would have been stopped by a stake." Replied the blood soaked man. "Ahhhh, well that is where you were wrong, my friend." And with that the stalker lifted David up and bit his neck. And when he was done, he removed his strangely, enlongated teeth, from Davids neck and threw him too the back of the alleyway behind the booth. This stalkers real name was Mark Conrad, but everyone knew him as his self bestowed name, Dracula.

    Its a taste of what I'm cooking up before I go too bed each night.So, what do you think?
     
  2. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    Nevermind.:D
     
  3. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    Questions, comments, singing:sing::sing::sing:? Anything?
     
  4. Zsandmann

    Zsandmann Premium Member

    Cool. Dracula is such a classic it can be redone a thousand times and still be fresh.
     
  5. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    Second installment

    Mark walked into his apartment, still cleaning the blood off of his chin.Horrible He thought when he compared it too Dracula's castle. He walked into the shower and pulled the curtain. A secret passage way opened directly across from him. As he strolled through it, he flipped the light switch and there was a huge castle-style room, complete with castle style windows.thats better. He thought with satisfaction as he jumped onto a walkway more that 60 feet above the floor. He walked across the walkway, opened a door and there was a nice 13th century england nobleman's room. As he walked in he took a book off the self of a bookself by his bed, jumped into bed, and started too read. He was a doctor and the first too discover the truth about blood. When blood is drawn directly from the skin it mixed with a oil on the skin and created a super steroid. It would increase your brain and brawn by ENORMOUS amounts. Strength that would make gravity almost nothing, brain that would make even the most complicated problem seem easy. The only withdrawl symptom was sudden heart failure.

    What do you think of my second installment?
     
  6. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    Questions, comments, worship of mods:gomods:, froging:frog:, smashing peoples heads in with hammers:bash:?
     
  7. tablet

    tablet Premium Member

    Keep righting. You will improve overtime. :up:
     
  8. It is interesting, but my only criticism is that the bumping into someone(from installment 1) seems a little "used up" in writing. I dont believe this is your fault but the story on the whole is refreshing and a new spin on an old work.:roll:
     
  9. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    Sorry, I've been busy. 3rd installment.
    Steve woke to the sun shining through his window." Ugh." He thought."This is going to be a bad day." Steve was a 14 year-old nerd that got stuffed into peoples lockers every time he walked past the locker bays. He knew there was no way to stop the bullys except by winning in a fight. He could beat them in test scores and he would get picked on even more. It was hopless, but it was his life and he had to live it out. He got up, ate his breakfast, and as usual, even though he was out at his bus stop on time his bus driver passed him. Later that day, Steve walked into lunch."Oh great. Its B.B.Q. ribs today." Steve thought. He put his hood up just in time to stop a flying rib from slamming into his head. The airborne rib bounced of his hood and slammed into the principles head."Steve," Steve shuddered. " I would like to see you in the office now." 20 minutes later, Steve was at home. "1 day suspension,*sigh* can it get worse?" Steve jumped on the coach and switched on the TV. "the scientist, David Roviax, was killed last night." Anounced the reporter."And it gets worse!" Steve shouted. "Why did this have to happen now? Just when my report was finished. Now I have to pick someone else and write a 5 page report on them by tommrow!" The anouncer continued. "His body was found in the back of a alleyway, and was devoid of all blood. Police have not found a murder weapon, and have no suspects.""Thats odd. Who or, what would drain a body completely of blood?" Steve asked aloud. "Time to get to work." Steve said, talking to himself.

    Your going to have to wait awhile before the 4th installment. I'll probably forget to write it tonight.:D
    EDIT: spelling and grammar
     
  10. Subdued

    Subdued Emotional Wreckage Premium Member

    Well, it's not bad, but... "Sureal Nightmares" is right - the way you set the beginning is a little over-used. The writing style is good. I would have suggested that in your 3rd installment you kill the doctor, and not Dave. Then you'll get the story going.

    [Edited on 10-2-05 by Subdued]
     
  11. mscbkc070904

    mscbkc070904 Premium Member

    A good story starts with a great beginning, somethign unique but captures the attention of the reader to the point where they raise questions and want to read on to find out how this came about. Sort of like pulp fiction, but dont tell it like its the end, change it up and make the beginning the middle part of the book or a few chapters in...be creative make the scene so mind altering and captive that the reader is dying to read on to understand what happened, but not to loose the reader either.

    Just trying to help, I am quite and avid reader..if the first chapter or 3 dont capture my attention I will not finish it, unless its the only thing I have to read or just plain bored.
     
  12. oddtodd

    oddtodd Premium Member

    still , the begining leaves tons of room for flashback stories , and I liked the smashing thru the phonebooth image .

    Next installment when you are ready please...
     
  13. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    Thanks, I always thought of myself as a good writer. Then I started reading what I was writting and realised how bad I was.:lol: Your right about the doctor. I might not get the 4th installment done soon, but I will try to get it done ASAP. I would have gotten it done and posted before now, except I've had SO MUCH stuff going on recently I fell behind. I suspect this is the first time I've been here for a couple months:wow:.
     
  14. Bleys

    Bleys Phoenix Takes Flight Staff Member

    :saint2:

    did you ever get any more written? Hint Hint....

    Bleys
     
  15. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    Actually, no. I haven't written any more of this. I'll try to pump out a decent 5th installment for ya Bleys.
     
  16. Subdued

    Subdued Emotional Wreckage Premium Member

    Sweetheart, i've been away for a while (a year and something), and thought "okay, i'm coming back to see what happened to Waxy Cheesecake, and what do i see? Nothing! Shame on you. Anyway, you have such a lovely nick and it's always making me hungry. I plan to run to the market and buy one of you, and... i expect the job to be done when i come back:D
     
  17. Waxy cheesecake

    Waxy cheesecake Premium Member

    Oh boy. I guess I'll be having too either stock the stores with ginormous Cheesecakes, or I could make up for it with some poetry.
    Sorry about the stopping of the writing the story but I'm the kinda guy who writes as long as he's inspired. When I'm not inspired it becomes mechanical writing, if I can manage to put my fingers to the keyboard.
    I'll post some of my very nice poetry to make up for my laziness. And thanks about the username, and enjoy that Cheesecake.