Lit & The Arts Epitaphs - The Good, The Bad And He Ugly.

Discussion in 'Literature & The Arts' started by Bleys, Apr 4, 2005.

  1. Bleys

    Bleys Phoenix Takes Flight Staff Member

    The collection below are actual epitaphs carved on "loved" ones headstones. Either these people have a sick sense of humour or there were some hard feelings after the person departed this world. You be the judge.

    "She always said her feet were killing her, but nobody believed her"

    Once I wasn't
    Then I was
    Now I ain't again

    Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was.

    "I told you I was sick"

    Honey you don't know what you did for me,
    always playing the lottery.
    the numbers you picked came in to play,
    two days after you passed away.
    For this, a huge monument I do erect;
    for now I get a yearly check.
    How I wish you were alive, for now we have 8.5.

    "Scotty.....beam me up!"

    On the 22nd of June
    Jonathon Fiddle
    Went out of tune.

    Been here.
    Now gone.
    Had a good time.

    Anna Wallace
    The children of Israel wantd bread
    And he Lord sent them manna.
    Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
    And the Devil sent him Anna.

    "Ill thank you not to put your butt on my grave."

    Life is a jest, and all things show it;
    I thought so once and now I know it.

    Some come to ths graveyard
    To sit and think.
    But I've come here to
    Rot and stink.

    " A victim of fast women and slow horses"

    Owen Moor
    Gone away
    Owin' more
    Than he could pay.

    sick, sick sick, sick......but :lol:


    Courtesy of Uncle John
  2. junior_smith

    junior_smith Premium Member

    i told you i was sick is my favourite, it was spike milligans head stone, i was going to writ it, but it was already there lmao
  3. JcMinJapan

    JcMinJapan Premium Member

    Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona
    He was young
    He was fair
    But the Injuns
    Raised his hair

    Bill Blake
    Was hanged by mistake.

    Boot Hill Cemetery, Tombstone, Arizona
    Here lays Butch.
    We planted him raw.
    He was quick on the trigger
    But slow on the draw.

    Silver City, Nevada
    Here lies a man named Zeke.
    Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek.
    (May be in Cripple Creek, Colorado)

    Boot Hill Museum, Dodge City, Kansas
    Here lies the body of Arkansas Jim.
    We made the mistake, But the joke's on him.

    Culver City
    He called
    Bill Smith
    A Liar
    Cripple Creek, CO

    James B. McCoy left a message on his 1899 tombstone proclaiming his independence from the United States Government.

    Larne, Ireland - On a hanged sheep stealer
    Here lies the body of
    Thomas Kemp.
    Who lived by wool
    and died by hemp.
    Bletchley, Bucks, England

    In a New Jersey cemetery
    Rebecca Freeland
    She drank good ale,
    good punch and wine
    And lived to the age of 99.

    Beneath this stone, a lump of clay,
    Lies stingy Jimmy Wyatt.
    Who died one morning just at ten
    And saved a dinner by it.

    On a grave digger:
    Hooray my brave boys
    Lets rejoice at his fall.
    For if he had lived
    He would have buried us all.

    On a Coal-miner
    Gone Underground For Good

    On a lawyer in England:
    Sir John Strange.
    Here lies an honest lawyer.
    And that is Strange.

    On an attorney:
    John E.
    "The defense rests"

    On a dentist:
    Stranger tread
    This ground with gravity.
    Dentist Brown
    Is filling his last cavity.
    Edinburgh, Scotland

    On an Auctioneer:
    Jedediah Goodwin
    Born 1828

    On a housewife:
    Mary Weary, Housewife
    Dere Friends I am going
    Where washing ain't done
    Or cooking or sewing:
    Don't mourn for me now
    Or weep for me never:
    For I go to do nothing
    Forever and ever!

    Here lies the body
    of John Round.
    Lost at sea
    and never found.
    Belturbet, Ireland

    1787 - Jones - 1855
    Here lie the bones of Sophie Jones;
    For her death held no terrors.
    She was born a maid and died a maid.
    No hits, no runs, and no heirs.*
    (* errors) Scranton, Pennsylvania

    Ann Mann
    Here lies Ann Mann,
    Who lived an old maid
    But died an old Mann.
    December 8, 1767
    London, England

    On a spinster postmistress:
    In a North Carolina cemetery

    Here lies
    Ezekiel Aikle
    Age 102
    The Good
    Die Young.
    East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia

    I was somebody.
    Who, is no business
    of yours.
    Stowe, Vermont

    Cold is my bed, but oh, I love it,
    For colder are my friends above it.
    Calvary Cemetery, Chicago, Illinois

    Here Lies Jane Smith
    Wife of Thomas Smith
    Marble Cutter:
    This Monument Erected
    By Her Husband
    As A Tribute
    To Her Memory.
    Monuments of this style
    are 250 Dollars.
  4. _Angel_1991

    _Angel_1991 Premium Member

    LOL you know that one infamous head stone the one that had a poem whose first letters spelled out "**** You" (starts with f)?

  5. Bleys

    Bleys Phoenix Takes Flight Staff Member


    I know the one you are talking about angel. Didn't have the guts to post it.

  6. Bleys

    Bleys Phoenix Takes Flight Staff Member

    :o Only a man would do this. Someone needs a good smack.

  7. parrhesia

    parrhesia Member

    lol, some of those are good. :lol:
  8. _Angel_1991

    _Angel_1991 Premium Member

    Bleys.... (in a pained voice)
    How can you think that! Not all boys are insensitive morons like that guy....
    Yah but it is kinda..... insensitive....
  9. Bleys

    Bleys Phoenix Takes Flight Staff Member

    :bounce: (I'm on one today)

    I stand by my assessment - Mr. Smith is a swine for advertising on his wife's headstone. I also think I am accurate that such "sentiment" would only be perpetrated by a man - not all men.

    So with that bold statement I offer a challenge to our members to find evidence of a woman showing this same insensitivity to her deceased loved one.

    Can some women be just as big of oinkers as some men?

  10. MidnightDStroyer

    MidnightDStroyer New Member

    One of my favorite epitaths (that hasn't been posted already):

    Here lies the remains of Lester Moore
    Killed by 3 bullets from a .44
    No Les, no Moore

    I've been considering this for my own:
    I'll be back
    I'm spending some time dead for the tax breaks
  11. junior_smith

    junior_smith Premium Member

    mine wil be something like:
    should not have had that bagel (if i die from a bagel)
  12. JcMinJapan

    JcMinJapan Premium Member

    OK Bleys... Here is one for you...

    A widow wrote this epitaph in a
    Vermont cemetery:

    Sacred to the memory of
    my husband John Barnes
    who died January 3, 1803
    His comely young widow, aged 23, has
    many qualifications of a good wife, and
    yearns to be comforted.
    (ed: guess they did not have personal
    ads then)
  13. Bleys

    Bleys Phoenix Takes Flight Staff Member


    Damn! I hate being wrong. In your honour JC, I have altered my signature to pay homage to you.

  14. helenheaven

    helenheaven Premium Member

    I think I would like this one:

    Here lies an atheist
    All dressed up,
    And no place to go
  15. Bleys

    Bleys Phoenix Takes Flight Staff Member

    More tombstones...

    Courtesy of Uncle John:

    Alexander the Great
    A tomb now suffices for him
    For whom the world was not enough

    William H. Bonney
    "Billy the Kid"
    Truth and History
    21 men
    The Boy Bandit King-
    He Died As He Lived

    Alphonse Capone
    My Jesus Mercy

    Nicolaus Copernicus
    Stand, Sun, move not

    Emily Dickenson
    Called Back

    Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
    Steel True, Blade Straight

    Wyatt Earp
    ...that nothing's so sacred as honour
    and nothing's so loyal as love

    Benjamin Franklin
    The Body of B. Franklin, Printer
    Like the Cover of an old Book
    Its Contents torn out
    And Stript of its Lettering &
    Lies here, Food for Worms
    For it will as he believ'd
    appear once more
    In a new and more elegant Edition
    Corrected and improved
    By the Author

    Robert Lee Frost
    I had A Lover's Quarrel With The World

    Gustavus III, King of Sweden
    Happy at last

    "Wild Bill" J. B. Hickok
    Killed by the assassin Jack M'Call
    in Deadwood, Black Hills Aug. 2d 1876
    Par, we will meet again in the
    Happy Hunting Ground
    To part no more,

    John Keats
    This Grave
    contains all that was Mortal
    of a
    Young English Poet
    on his Death Bed
    in the Bitterness of his Heart
    at the Malicious Power of his
    these words be engraved on his
    Tomb Stone
    'Here lies One Whose Name was
    writ in Water.'

    Wyatt Earp's is just beautiful.

  16. bodebliss

    bodebliss The Zoc-La of Kromm-B Premium Member

    Here's one from a man"s headstone:

    "I Told You I Was Sick"

    This be by R.L. Stevenson


    UNDER the wide and starry sky
    Dig the grave and let me lie:
    Glad did I live and gladly die,
    And I laid me down with a will.

    This be the verse you grave for me:
    Here he lies where he long'd to be;
    Home is the sailor, home from sea,
    And the hunter home from the hill.
  17. Gravare

    Gravare Premium Member

    Here lies an atheist
    All dressed up,
    And no place to go

    i like that one.