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Thread: [FICTION-MYSTERY] THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

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    Default [FICTION-MYSTERY] THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED

    This is something I've been cooking up for a while. I only recently wrote most of it. Please reply because if you don't I'll think you guys hate it so much you'd be ashamed to reply to it. Here goes:
    THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED
    By Waxy Cheese
    It was another lazy day in Iowa. Nowhere to go, nothing to do, and no towns for 10 miles in any direction. Peter was relaxing on the front porch, sitting in a rocking chair watching the wind ripple through the grass. Just then his little brother, John, burst through the door being pursued by his little sister, Lily. “You’re it!” shouted Lily as she tagged John on his back and ran the opposite direction. Peter sighed, got up and chased after them so he could figure out what exactly they were up too. You see, this family was just like any other family until a few weeks previous. When their father had entered the nearest town, Salisbury, he was followed by a black van. When their father realized this he tried to throw them off. He drove left, right through parking lots and into traffic. The black van eventually caught him. He was allowed one statement before the men dressed in black suits dragged him into the van. He had said, “It’s in the Woods.” This statement had been broadcast over the news dozens of times. The children had known their father well, and knew that he had meant it as a clue for them. They didn’t know exactly what he meant but they knew they had to figure it out or they’d never hear from their father again. Since the children had heard that news report they had spoken in code. They had figured that they might be watched and they didn’t want to give away anything they might figure out about the clue.
    Peter ran after his little brother and sister to a place where they could never be disturbed. The only place where they could talk regularly. Peter chased them into the Woods. The Woods are a small section of forest left from when the area was settled by pioneers. The pioneers had cut down the rest of the forest but left this small part as a sanctuary from the rest of the world. The group of settlers had carved their names into the wood of the tallest tree. Among those names was their great-great grandfather’s name, Arthur Neilson. Around that tree, a magnificent garden had been built. The garden was circular, with the tree in the center of an amphitheater. A pool of water surrounds the tree and gave the effect of being a puddle when it was really very deep. When John had just been born he fell in and vanished. Their father had seemed very shocked when John had fallen in. Their father just sat there while Peter rescued John. When Peter had rescued John, he had discovered that the pool was more then 10 feet deep. When Peter walked into the amphitheater he saw his other two siblings. Wendy, who was 2 years older than John, and Sam, who was the oldest.
    “So, what’s this all about?” Peter asked expectantly. “It’s about,” replied Sam, “that tree.” He pointed a long slender finger at the center of the amphitheater. “What about it?” Peter asked slightly disappointed that he didn’t get a straight answer the first time. “Can’t you tell?” Asked Sam incredulously. “Don’t you think it draws way to much attention to itself? It’s in a very odd location for a tree, don’t you think?” “So you think the tree is what Dad had in mind?” Asked Peter cautiously. Sam’s temper seemed to be on the surface a lot now that he was 18. “Yes, that’s exactly what I think.” Said Sam as he calmed down. “So,” John spoke up, “what do we do now?” “Well, I think Sam wants us to search the tree until we find something of importance. Right, Sam?” Asked Wendy. “Yes, that is right.” Replied Sam. May I suggest that we start looking?” Inquired Peter. “And so the search begins.” Lily suddenly spoke. We all stared. Her eyes seemed to be clouded with some heavy burden. She had a dark look on her face, very rare if existent at all on a 6 year-olds face.

    [Edited on 30-5-2005 by Waxy cheesecake]

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    No one has an opinion?!?! The brain control drug must be working. LOL! Come on, anybody at all.

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    I didn't know if we should post or not WC. didn't want to interrupt the flow of your story.

    ......which btw is terrifice, I am hooked already. Keep it coming.


    Bleys:clwndnc:

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    Post if you have something of encouragement (or you find something wrong). I want to know how and where I can improve. I'm going to try to be an author when I grow up.

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    I'm not a critic it's very good but from what i've read i have a few tips,
    maybe a bit more description, when i read it i saw a basic idea of the area but it was a bit abstract at times. Also it all happened so fast, maybe spinning things out a bit, with the characters action/reaction/thoughts and feelings?

    - Ice -

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    Originally posted by Icewolf
    maybe a bit more description, when i read it i saw a basic idea of the area but it was a bit abstract at times. Also it all happened so fast, maybe spinning things out a bit, with the characters action/reaction/thoughts and feelings?
    - Ice -
    You have a point, and it really just was an idea. I guess I'll have to put more thought into it next time. Thanks for your input Ice.

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    Yah, I agree with Icewolf.
    The plot is excellent it is just that it goes by so fast..... No breaks or anything. I have the same problem with my writing....

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